Yesterday was a complete wash.
Weigh in: 129 lbs.
Eaten today: 1 cup coffee w/ splash of skim. 25 calories
So today is a new day. This morning I walked a mile to pick up an electric typewriter and I'll be carrying it the 1.5 miles home from this coffee shop (yay wifi!). I'm stoked - I've always wanted a typewriter and now the free page on craigslist has provided. It almost makes up for the disappointment of still having my period. No wonder I was such a mess yesterday! Hormones, oy.
Tomorrow I have an interview to be a starbucks barista. Cross your fingers for me please!
Unfortunately, tomorrow is also a C day. So, some relationship background: C and I have been dating off and on for about a year and half now. He's wonderful as hell & used to wrestle so he understands the obsession with weight and the restricting and even to some extent the purging. He's my rock here in Boston, because in February I took a leave of absence from college and moved here, knowing pretty much no one but him. Yikes, right?
But in an attempt to foster my independence and to make sure I retain my own life I refuse to do that annoying thing where you spend every moment with your partner just because you can. Thus, C and I worked out a schedule [we're dorks and I color code my calendar. sue me.] where Wednesday night & the weekends are spent together. The weekends are our sort of domestic thing where we get to wake up together & do the crossword on Sunday, etc etc. & Wednesday nights are kind of like date nights -- fun acting our age times. Sounds great, doesn't it?
Unfortunately C is a very reformed wrestler and now eats relatively healthfully but still quite a lot, even for a normal person [I think]. And Wednesday nights tend to turn into dinner & ____ nights because he works a 9-5 gig and afterwards wants to cook. Don't get me wrong, I love cooking with C, I just don't want to eat it afterward.
And here's the bad part -- my ex [who I left for C, incidentally] who is a hard core martial artist, six pack, huge arms, the whole deal, is visiting me this weekend. He miiiight still be hung up on me a bit & he's one of my best friends. So while C helps me a lot with feeling comfortable eating small amounts so my metabolism doesn't just die on me, this ex [we'll call him P] does the exact reverse. When we dated he used to say things like "well if you want to loose that flab just eat a few more salads..." GRRRR! And it pisses me off, but I still want to look trim when he visits. Am I crazy?
/so much life drama
First of all, I think that's awesome about the schedule thing! I might just have to do that next time I have a boyfriend. :) Brilliant.
ReplyDeleteannndddd second of all,
no, It's not crazy that you want to look trim for your ex.... it's hard to make all of those feelings poof - and you probably want him to be like, "Oh shit.. look what I'm missing out on.." haha. you know?
and third of all,
I think that is awesome you are so independent! you go girl!!!
- Glitch :)